A Minecraft Movie Review – The Mac and Me of Video Game Movies

For years, my son has tried to get me into Minecraft. He’s obsessed. Every night, he watches YouTube videos about it, devours the comics, and even reads the children’s books. But me? I just don’t get it. The blocky, 8-bit graphics look like something out of a fever dream, and the whole concept feels bizarrely boring. So, when A Minecraft Movie was announced, I thought, “Finally! A chance to understand what the fuss is about.” Boy, was I wrong.

Starring Jack Black and Jason Momoa, A Minecraft Movie is, without exaggeration, one of the worst films I’ve ever paid to see. And I watched it in a theater that smelled like rat piss while eating stale popcorn. That’s how committed I was. It’s so bad that the only thing I can compare it to is Mac and Me—that infamously terrible 1988 E.T. ripoff with creepy aliens, random musical numbers, and a nonsensical plot.

From the very first second, I knew I was in for a nightmare. The movie opens with Jack Black’s character, Steve, rambling about his life for five to ten minutes straight. It’s supposed to be funny. The theater was dead silent. Steve, a guy who dreams of working in the mines, is blocked by an old man who refuses to let kids in. When Steve grows up, he realizes he still wants to mine (yeah, thrilling stuff). After finally sneaking inside, he stumbles upon two cubes—which he calls “thingys”—accidentally activates them, and gets transported into the world of Minecraft.

But wait! That’s just intro #1. There are two more. Jason Momoa plays The Garbage Man, a washed-up gaming icon who now runs a second-hand arcade store. His entire introduction consists of him crying, listening to rock anthems, and driving around in his retro ‘80s car. Then, we meet Natalie and Henry, two kids who move to town after their parents die. Henry is a nerdy outcast with a lisp who likes building stuff. (I wonder where this is going…)

Eventually, Henry and The Garbage Man find the cube, get sucked into Minecraft, and—surprise!—become instant experts at everything. No training montage. No struggle. Just immediate master builders and fearless warriors. The logic in this movie is nonexistent.

Jack Black is in full Jack Black mode, delivering every line like he’s performing a Tenacious D song. Momoa spends the entire runtime flipping his hair and acting like a self-aware fool. The kids go from clueless to saviors in a matter of minutes. And the plot? It’s a chaotic mess of zombies, random battles, and cringe-inducing dialogue. It feels like it was written by a group of stoners laughing their way through a script meeting.

And just when you think the cringe has peaked, Jack Black launches into yet another random musical number. It’s like they saw how much people loved “Peaches” in The Super Mario Bros. Movie and decided to let him go to town here—except without the charm, wit, or restraint. Every joke feels like it was written by someone desperately trying to make you laugh at gunpoint. I half-expected a studio executive to burst into the theater and start tickling me in an attempt to get me to laugh. Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

And yet… my kid loved it. The audience even applauded. One guy leaving the theater actually said, “Now that’s cinema.” So yeah, this movie clearly has a fanbase. Maybe it’ll even make a ton of money.

But for me? This was 100 minutes of pure torture. If you’re not into Minecraft, prepare to suffer. And when it inevitably hits streaming, pray your kids forget it exists. Because if the Sonic movies broke the video game curse, A Minecraft Movie resurrected it. Just give it the 2026 Razzie now.

If your kids beg you to take them? Do yourself a favor. Send them in alone. A Minecraft Movie makes Thor: Love and Thunder look like The Godfather. Just wait until Martin Scorsese learns about this one. It’s the worst film of the year so far, and probably the worst video game movie of all time. And yes, I am aware that 1993’s Super Mario. Bros exists.

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