The following post is a real-life interaction between Mr. Pool and a scam artist who sent in a random email requesting friendship and funds.
First e-mail from Lilian Benson :
I am Interested in you
My name is miss lilian. i saw your profile today and became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send a mail to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom l am.Here is my email address(firstname.lastname@example.org)I believe we can move from here.I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.miss lilian (Remember the distance or color does not matter but love matters alto in life)Please reply me with my email address herethe only important thing there is love. I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.Yours sincerely.
Deadpool response mail:
Wow, your email took my breath away. I have often dreamt up this exact scenario – sitting at work and receiving a random email regarding some strangers romantic interest in me. Of course, this isn’t your fault. I’m a Leo – and my animal instincts have attracted you to me. My profile which I’m assuming you are referring to is from my facebook account. I’m glad you have found similar interests between us. I have always pondered on the thought of dating a woman who enjoys the same things I do – namely playing skip rope, running my head under a tap of cold water till I pass out, watching foreign movies that I don’t understand with subtitles that don’t match and singing I just called to say I love you randomly in public. Of course, I’m just assuming these are the things you found interesting about me.
We are clearly compatible – my high intellect and your bad grammar. I suppose the Paula Abdul song rings true here, “Two steps forward, two steps back, we come together because opposites attract.” I love that song. Trusting you find her music interesting too.
I am very curious about your picture – to as you so well put it, “to know whom l am”. I love the way you are thinking here because I love to judge people based on their looks. This is an ongoing problem of mine. I have sought help regarding this – which is clearly my biggest fault. I have had two failed brain surgery attempts, one session of shock therapy and also once tried tossing a coin in a wishing well. All of this has failed. And as a result, I am still cursed with this evil fault. If you send that picture and you are ugly there will be hell to pay! Sorry, that was just my dark side talking. I actually am I lovely person. I will only laugh behind your back and post your picture in my toilet room to chase away annoying flies.
Thank you for waiting for my email. Looking forward to hearing from you. Don’t forget your picture.
Second email from Lilian:
Hello my dearest one,
Compliments once again and thanks for eailing me back in reply to my last mail to you ..in fact you sounds good .please tell me more about your self as well your intention towards me if you do agree towards having intimate relationship with me.cos for me am out to see to your satisfaction.To tell you about myself ,I am Lilian B Kamara, 23 yrs old , the only surviving daughter of my late parents Dr/Mrs Kamara from Republic of Sudan,
in town called Darfur, i am 5.1tall, but i am presently in Dakar Senegal under asylum as a refugee, due to Attacks by both government and rebel forces continued throughout the year, including major aerial bombardments and ground attacks launched by the government in West Darfur in February 2008.
I am open minded person , easy going girl ,confident , hard working , caring , always stand by my word .am seeking for someone who is honest, trustworthy that could be entrust no matter where he comes from and his
orientation ,I am single never married and active and my hobbies are going to beach , cooking , watching sports etc ,then my turn on are truthfulness and honest, while my turn off are lies and cheating, please I would love to chat with you but in the camp we are not allow to do so, cause we make use of the Reverends Computer here in the camp. I
don’t have any relatives now whom I can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war, Only some others girls who are also with us in the woman’s hostel. I want to go back to my studies because I only attended my first year and in my second year first semester, before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place.
Please listen to this, I have my late father’s statement of account and death certificate here with me which I will send to you latter, Because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading finance company Standard Chartered Bank London.
in which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount in question is £3.9M (Three Million Nine Hundred Thousand GBP). So I will like you to help me transfer this money to your care and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to be with you Or if you can assist me to be free from the camp and come over to your country then we can get the money transferred. I kept this secret to people in
the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me. Reverend Peter Williams. Dear you can speak with me to know and discourse more about this OK, you can call me with this phone number……(+221776751258) is the phone number of the Reverend any time you called tell him that you want to speak with me Lilian , in room 25 women hostel and he will sent for me OK. So in the light of the above I will like you to keep it to yourself and don’t tell it to anyone cause I am afraid of loosing my life and the money if
people gets to know about it. Remember I am giving you all this information due to the trust and love I deposited on you.I like honest and understanding people, truthful and a man of vision, truth and hard working. Mean while I will like you to tell me your in tension towards helping me out because like I said I have allot to tell you. Have a nice day and think about me.Awaiting to hear from you soonest, Thanks and God bless you.
Love From Lilian
Lilian, Lilian, Lilian, you have surely made my day. Just when I had given up hope of getting a response you surprise me yet again with a letter. Thank you for once again providing me with an afternoon chuckle and feeding my already big ego with more delightful ideas on love and true romance. Truly this is serendipity in the works here. Sweet little angels are singing sweet songs and playing tiny little harps in my ears while I’m reading through your atrocious grammar and foolish words.
Thank you for starting your email off with “My dearest one.” I have never been called that before. I have been called many things before. But never dearest one. Just reading this line over and over makes my toes tingle. I try to stop myself from reading it again and again but even after the 50th time my toes are still tingling. I was once called a fathead at school. A title I didn’t take to, but very kindly but accepted – we live in a democratic world – if it’s generally decided by your peers that you are a fathead then the consensus alone confirms that you are indeed a fathead. I first brushed off this idea but after considering my dad’s random taunts of “Get your fat head out of the way of the TV” I was convinced. I’m afraid this might be bad news for you, Lilian. Yes, indeed I am a fathead. This might cause a lot of problems during childbirth later on in our relationship. I can only imagine that a fathead kid will only reproduce more fathead kids. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet.
You timing was exceptionally perfect – I was just starting to feel down after my boss called me a fathead too. What is it with the world and their obsession with my head? Anyways thank you for liking my head just the way it is. My dearest one – oh the tingles.
I’m glad you think I “sounds” good. I’m sure you read in detail what I had written in my last email and have gotten over my distinctive faults and criticisms about your letter.
My intentions toward you Lilian are very simple. Because I am a sad case of a man who clearly has to engage in relationships with women via email that live in poorer foreign African countries my standards aren’t too high. I am willing to give you a good share of my 15 mins of emailing time today. An offer I’m sure you certainly can’t refuse. I have always had the worst luck with woman. This is already the longest conversation I’ve had with a woman since 2009. I spoke to a lady once in 2010 but after closer inspection, I realized that she had quite a huge Adam’s apple – clearly she was a dude. And she also had no interest in me. Now I’m stuck to responding to random emails from Lilian the scan artist. How the mighty have fallen. In my hay day I was considered quite a catch – but alas my ever growing fat head seems to have stopped many a girl from approaching me. Once two girls poked my head with a stick for fun. I didn’t like this at all. Please don’t ever poke my head with a stick.
Despite my better judgment, Lilian, I have decided to sell some of my possessions to help you and fund your scam to get out of your country. It sure does sound like a scary country that you live in with aerial bombardments and all. The only bombardments I have ever really faced is ppl walking in while I’m on the toilet. This is always uncalled for. My mom would often do it and laugh hysterically as I went potty. Yes, this is abuse I know. but surely nothing like you have faced in Defur.
Your email was very long and after a while, I began to doze off and the words become blurry until I read the parts about Standard Chartered Bank London. Your father left Three Million Nine Hundred Thousand GBP in an account? Wow, again my desperation has gotten the better of me and I am completely gullible and willing to help. Yes please send me the money so that I can send it to you so you can come over here. Essentially I imagine that this would be like buying a bride. Let’s do it!
Thank you for the pic. This has convinced me even further. What is the next step in me falling for this?
Also, I must admit to being jealous of Reverend Peter who clearly is a very lucky man spending all this time with you girls in your cowboy hats and short dresses.
Your pictures also indicate that you are well fed and have no shortage of clothing and supplies. I especially love the teddy in the background… Nothing says poverty, war and desperation like a short dressed girl with a teddy.
Thank you again. I will consider calling the Reverend. I also admit to having a problem with keeping secrets. I often yell out my pin at the bank at random – much to the annoyance of the bank tellers who keep changing it.
Third email from Lilian:
Go to hell!