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Tags: Comic Book NewsMovie NewsSuperheroes

How to Argue Superhero Films like a True Comic Book Fanboy

June 22, 2017
bySergio Pereira
in Comics, Movies
How to Argue Superhero Films like a True Comic Book Fanboy

It’s tough being a comic book fan in modern times. Hollywood has taken our beloved characters and brought them to the masses. Suddenly, our heroes, our friends, are callously shared with the world like syphilis. Every film released is another stab to our fragile hearts, because only we know what’s right for these characters – not the movie goers. Here’s our list on How to Argue Superhero Films like a True Comic Book Fanboy.

Ben Affleck Batman

1. Castings are always wrong

Let’s be honest: Hollywood always gets it wrong. Ben Affleck was the worst Batman ever, because everyone knows… I’m Batman. No, I’m really Batman – not you. I’M BATMAN! Shut up! You know that I’ll be the best Batman because… Of course I have the chin and the Bruce Wayne playboy attitude nailed… What do you mean I don’t have the Batman voice? Can you not tell from this article that I’ve got the best Batman voice?

How to Argue Superhero Films like a True Comic Book Fanboy

2. Complain about the director

Zack Snyder? Horrible. Steven Spielberg? Over the hill. Christopher Nolan? Plot hole specialist. Joss Whedon? Too mainstream. Guillermo del Toro? Depressing. Tim Burton? Johnny Depp’s adoptive father. JJ Abrams? Jar Jar Abrams. Colin Trevorrow? Obsessed with CGI. Michael Bay? KABOOM!

3. Rage about how the film isn’t canon

Can you believe those lazy Hollywood directors don’t even ask for our permission about what we’d like to see on the big screen? I mean, why can’t we see the Silver Age Batman in a Dark Knight Returns world fighting Batman Beyond characters?

It’s ridiculous that screenwriters are allowed to interpret these characters and worlds the way they see fit. It simply isn’t canon – even if canon consists of approximately 20-30 variations of the same fictional character continuing to evolve – but whatever… the world doesn’t need to know this. The fact is, it isn’t canon so it sucks.

How to Argue Superhero Films like a True Comic Book Fanboy

4. Judge the trailer until it bleeds

It’s a proven fact by the Comic Book Fan Basement Association that all trailers are accurate representations of films. So if you dislike the two minutes and thirty seconds of what you see, judge away and feel the hatred burn in the pits of your stomach along with last night’s taco surprise. How dare the producers release a marketing snippet that doesn’t share too much/doesn’t share enough of the film? Where’s Doomsday’s horns and beard? Why do they not consult us every step of the way? The most important rule to remember is this: if you hate the trailer, tell everyone how terrible it is and you won’t watch the movie (even if you’ve already pre-booked your opening night tickets).

How to Argue Superhero Films like a True Comic Book Fanboy

5. Don’t allow others to be positive about the film

If someone admits to looking forward to a film or actually (gasp!) liking it, you need to tear them to shreds. Call them a fake a fan and bring up some obscure fact from Action Comics #32 to highlight they’ve never read a comic. To rub further salt in the wound, tell the world they enjoyed the Catwoman film starring Halle Berry. The Internet is no place for positivity and tolerance.

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Comments 6

  1. Joseph Courtright says:
    5 years ago

    your not my real “fan” parents, i don’t have to do what you tell me

    Reply
  2. Frank Lindner says:
    5 years ago

    maybe someone should tell them that not every “fan” is also a “fanboy”fangirl”

    Reply
    • Ryan Derenbecker says:
      5 years ago

      This isn’t a fanboy/fangirl thing, it’s a butthurt fan thing, and I seem to encounter it non-stop from DBZ fans, comic book fans, and Trekkies.

      Yeah, I said it lol

      Reply
  3. Rizwan Riyaz Patel says:
    5 years ago
    Reply
  4. Carlo Hendricks says:
    5 years ago

    This is soooooooo SPOT ON!!!! I really enjoyed it, humorous, yet true!

    Reply
  5. Melanie Pieterkosky says:
    5 years ago

    I’ve started to be more tolerant since saying to myself that it’s all fanfic.

    “Oh look, they made *inset character* completely wrong, according to *name of recently released/rebooted comic that I loved*, I guess they loved *Earth number*.

    Reply

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