Shark Night 3D was not screened in advance for critics. This is usually not a good thing, as most films that don’t get pre-screenings are ripped apart by critics. Forgive the pun.
PLOT: A weekend at a lake house turns into a nightmare for a bunch of students as they are subjected to shark attacks.
DIRECTOR: David R. Ellis
ACTORS: Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katharine McPhee
GENRE: Horror, Thriller
AGE RESTRICTION: Rated 15 (Violence, Language)
TRIVIA: Director David R. Ellis wanted to release the film under the title “Untitled 3D Shark Thriller”. Not screened in advance for critics.
What To Read Next
This film, although watched on a normal DVD on a normal 2D HDTV, is still called Shark Night 3D. This sounds just plain stupid right? Right. Regrettably, the unfortunate naming of this film is a precursor to what you will be subjected to for the next 90 minutes. And what a tedious 90 minutes it is.
The film starts with the obligatory “hot girl in a bikini in a random lake, gets killed by something unknown”. Then we get introduced to a bunch of students that go away to a lake house in a small town for a weekend of partying, boozing and whatever else such activities might lead to.
Some of the group go skiing on the lake, since they have access to ski-boat and just about anything else you could dream off.
The idyllic weekend turns into a nightmare when Malik (Sinqua Walls) gets bumped off his boogie board while doing some breath-taking moves behind their ski-boat. He goes down and eventually pops back up, minus his right arm.
Nick (Dustin Milligan) dives into the lake and retrieves the rest of Malik’s arm, while being chased by a shark. Being the hero, he survives this ordeal.
Obviously there’s no cell-phone reception, so the group decide to race Malik to the nearest hospital on their boat. As luck would have it, while they are racing to the hospital, his dripping blood attracts a shark which bumps his girlfriend off the boat and snacks on her. The shark bumped the boat so hard that both the steering and throttle get stuck with the boat on a collision course with their jetty. They jump, the boat explodes and they’re all back at the house.
From here things get a bit stupid with guys fighting a hammer-head shark in shallow water, another shark grabbing a guy out of a tree and incidents with a jet-ski and some red-necks.
We also find out that Sara has a dark past that kept her from guys and this lake house for 3 years now.
This is as much of a clichéd “bunch of beautiful people go to a remote place and some evil force wreaks havoc on them” film as you are ever to see.
What To Read Next
The lake is infested with various species of sharks, yet no-one else living in those parts gets injured except these students and the obligatory first-act bikini-girl.
Talking about bikinis; the girls are just there for eye-candy… and being eaten of course. And that is the only thing they are good at. And to be fair they do look good. The guys are cast as follows: a jock, a nerd and a womaniser. Hats off to the casting department.
When I said this movie is a bit stupid, I lied. This is brain-dead rubbish that you should avoid at all costs. The effects are lame, the acting is as bad as you’d expect and the plot as ridiculous as you can imagine.
This is as pointless a film as you might ever see. Avoid this at all costs.