Verdict: 1.5 / 5
After watching it, I am more and more convinced that I, Frankenstein is nothing more than a hugely elaborate money laundering scam.
Surely no one could have stepped back and thought this was a good product when it was finished? No one could have thought “this is a good use of many millions of dollars?” No, I cannot accept this, and for now, have to believe that it is simply a part of an insider Hollywood racketeering scandal. I’ll believe this denial; the truth is harder to accept.
In the 1800’s, Victor Frankenstein creates a monster from the corpses of dead men, because his narrative is in the public domain and therefore we didn’t have to pay any royalties. This monster, bizarrely, is Aaron Eckhart, who surely should have known better. You’ve been in some great movies Aaron, you’re a good actor, why this, why now? Please explain to me….Anyway, the plot of the book happens, at the end, the monster (later named Adam) goes to bury his master, and is attacked by demons for one or another reasons. This is where things get weird. Adam is saved by a group of angelic beings (who are not actually angels) named Gargoyles, because, well, they turn into gargoyles. This is weird and arbitrary, but I can roll with it.
Adam swears vengeance on the demons and spends the next 200 years killing them. He gets hotter as the years go by. His immortality is explained by someone saying that a lot of electricity was pumped into him, and as we all know, the more electricity a person has, the more immortal they are. This is a fact in real life. In the modern day, he teams up with the Gargoyles to stop one of Satan’s lieutenants, played rather not-bizarrely by Bill Nighy, who I know likes to do these movies because he can have some fun in a monster costume. Good on you Bill, at least you ham it up for all it’s worth.
From there, there are a few terrible CGI fights and a running time of (mercifully) under 90 minutes. Nothing happens of value and nothing meaningful is drawn from this desperate waste of human effort. I can tell that the producers wanted to go for an Underworld vibe, being that they had worked on that before. But it definitely doesn’t work here.
All I can ask his, Aaron, who did you sign your soul to in Hollywood that you had to do this? If you let us know, we can help. There are friends for you Aaron, we care about you. Don’t do this to yourself…